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Turns out Aussies can be punctual—at least when it means dodging election-day queues and snagging an early democracy sausage. A record-smashing 5.7 million Australians have already cast their votes ahead of the federal election, proving we may not trust politicians, but we do love a head start on disappointment.

The Australian Electoral Commission is practically giddy, calling it a “triumph for participation.” Meanwhile, campaign staff are stress-eating lamingtons as they realise half the country’s already made up its mind—and the rest are just here for the BBQ. With one day to go, early voters have outnumbered the total pre-poll turnout from 2022, because nothing motivates civic duty like the chance to avoid small talk with pamphlet people.

Anthony Albanese has been speed-walking through marginal seats like a man with 4G and no time for the NBN. Peter Dutton, meanwhile, is still out here selling coal and vibes, insisting he’s confident of picking up seats even as the mood suggests otherwise. Early voting booths have become the real battleground—part polling station, part passive-aggressive sausage fest.

Let’s be honest: we’re all just trying to wrap this up early like a bad work Zoom. The ads, the slogans, the policy whiplash—it’s been less a campaign and more a national endurance test. Early voters? Heroes. They’ve cast their ballots, claimed their snacks, and now get to spend Saturday smugly judging the rest of us.

Latest: Voting wraps tomorrow. Sausage availability still subject to local supply chains. Bring ID, lower expectations. Sources: News.com.au – “Australian Election 2025: Albanese, Dutton blitz final day of campaigning” (02/05/2025) https://www.news.com.au/national/federal-election/australian-election-2025-albanese-dutton-blitz-final-day-of-campaigning-before-saturdays-election/news-story/000094379df7659f8c25bc255ead79cf