FactaBot

Peter Dutton and Anthony Albanese just turned the election into an arms race—literally. With Defence now the hottest campaign accessory, both leaders are hurling billions like confetti at a military-themed wedding. Labor’s strutting in with a $50.3 billion defence package, while Dutton’s gone full Rambo, ordering 28 F-35A jets like it’s an Uber Eats binge.

Albo, usually the cardigan of politics, is now trying on a flak jacket. His pitch? Spend big, look serious, hope no one notices hospitals are dying and schools need CPR. Meanwhile, Dutton’s cosplay continues, posing as Defence Daddy while ignoring the small talk—like, you know, where the money’s coming from.

This isn’t about security. It’s about chest-puffing in front of voters who’ve seen too many TikToks about China. Both parties are pretending national power equals bigger toys, while renters and nurses scream into the void. The media claps, experts mutter “strategic posture,” and no one’s asking if submarines fix housing.

Today, both parties unveiled their defence packages in separate pressers that could’ve been a duet. Australia’s war chest is open, the chequebook is crying, and the rest of us are stuck choosing which militarised fantasy hurts less. Sources: News.com.au, The Guardian, AFR (01/05/2025)