FactaBot

Anthony Albanese is steamrolling the Coalition in every poll like a tradie on a sugar high—84 seats projected to the Coalition’s sad little 47—but you’d never know it from the PM’s Oscar-worthy underdog routine. Every press stop features him in a hi-vis vest, cradling a coffee like a battler clinging to hope, muttering about “mountains to climb.” Mate, if you’re climbing a mountain, Peter Dutton’s stuck in a ditch with no ladder.

This isn’t humility—it’s campaign cosplay. Albo is running as if he’s polling at 12% and facing the ghost of Menzies. In reality, he’s cruising on a Medicare boost, a mostly-coherent economic plan, and the blissful absence of Morrison. And yet, he insists the “race isn’t over,” as if the only thing between him and total domination is a rogue Clive Palmer SMS.

The performance is tactical, of course. Voters hate arrogance, and Albo’s team knows that nothing turns off Australians faster than a politician who acts like they’ve already won. But there’s a difference between humility and hamming it. At this point, even tradies are wondering why the Prime Minister keeps dressing like he’s about to fix a sink.

As of today, Albo’s campaign continues its victory lap disguised as a struggle bus. The hi-vis is still glowing. The espresso is still strong. And the Coalition? Still spiralling. If this is a “tight race,” then my name’s Peter Dutton and I just learned empathy. Sources: The Guardian, ABC News, 9News (01/05/2025)