FactaBot

Peter Dutton just dropped a casual $17 billion on 28 new F-35 fighter jets—a purchase so wildly tone-deaf it might as well have come with a commemorative Top Gun jacket and a rejection letter from the Budgeting Department. While voters scream for housing, hospitals, and help, Dutton’s campaign takes flight… straight into the nearest military fantasy novel.

The man of the hour? Peter “Servo Safari” Dutton, who apparently thinks foreign policy can be solved with cosplay and credit cards. Not content with awkwardly loitering at petrol stations or dodging debates like potholes, Dutton has now decided to wage an election campaign from the cockpit of Lockheed Martin’s latest toys.

Meanwhile, Albanese is trying to be the adult in the room, flexing Medicare stats while desperately hoping no one notices he’s also playing musical chairs with national security. This jet-buying bonanza isn’t new. It’s part of the Coalition’s “tough guy” package deal—military might over social might.

The F-35 program has been Australia’s money pit since Howard days, guzzling funds faster than a Defence Department wine fridge. Yet here we are again, burning through billions while teachers drown in unpaid overtime and renters take crash courses in tent life. The kicker? These jets won’t even land until the 2030s.

So, we’re not buying defence—we’re buying vibes. Geopolitical threats are rising, sure, but apparently the best response is “preorder now, panic later.” No strategy. No costing clarity. Just another Dutton detour into “security theatre,” featuring fog machines, flags, and fiscal gaslighting.

As of today, Defence confirms the purchase. Dutton insists it’s “essential,” while voters wonder if “essential” includes food or rent. Labor’s pretending to scrutinise it, media coverage is already moving on, and democracy? Still waiting on its boarding pass. Sources: News.com.au, The Australian, ABC News (all 01/05/2025).