FactaBot

At this point, Peter Dutton’s campaign strategy seems to be: fill up at every servo in Australia and hope voters mistake it for a plan. The man has now posed at 15 petrol stations—15!—without releasing a single costed policy. It’s giving “Where’s Wally?” but with hi-vis and a media team.

Meanwhile, Albanese rolled into the National Press Club like the kid who actually did the homework. He brought receipts: spruiking a drop in core inflation, Medicare improvements, and literally begging voters to “let me finish what I started”—which sounds romantic until you remember it involves Centrelink wait times and broken housing targets.

But at least he showed up. Dutton? He’s been dodging scrutiny like it’s a flying thong. Not only did he skip the Press Club showdown—breaking bipartisan tradition—he also sent Pauline Hanson out like a budget Darth Vader to stir up culture war chaos in his place. Between her usual anti-Voice rants and Dutton’s tactical vanishing act, the Coalition’s campaign is starting to look more like a Facebook comment section than a government-in-waiting.

Here’s the kicker: it’s election week. Voters are hungry for actual numbers, real plans, *anything* beyond a photo of a man pretending to know how to use a bowser. But Dutton’s playbook is full of vibes, vague threats, and more pit stops than progress. If Albanese is doing the responsible-dad routine, Dutton’s cosplaying as the angsty stepdad who buys you ice cream but never pays child support.

One guy brought stats. The other brought servo receipts. Sources: The Guardian Australia (30 Apr 2025), News.com.au (30 Apr 2025), The Australian (30 Apr 2025)