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Forget boxing kangaroos—turns out their ancient cousins were the original layabouts. New research reveals that Procoptodon goliah, the extinct giant kangaroo, didn’t hop at all. Instead, it waddled, leaned on trees, and basically vibed its way through life like a prehistoric retiree at Bunnings on a Sunday.

Scientists from Flinders University dug into its fossilised joints and found these mega-roos were structurally allergic to cardio. Respect. Clocking in at 200 kilograms and standing two metres tall, these thicc icons roamed Australia 40,000 years ago, probably judging smaller ‘roos for trying too hard.

Unlike today’s twitchy Skippy types, Procoptodon had a swagger, a belly, and an “I’ll walk when I feel like it” attitude. Think: kangaroo meets sloth meets suburban dad in socks and sandals. Why does it matter? Because scientists are learning how evolution swapped utility for laziness, and somehow humans are now the ones doing all the jumping—mostly to conclusions.

It’s also a timely reminder that not every “alpha predator” had to be fast or furious. Some were just fabulous and slow. Latest update? The research dropped today in PLOS ONE, and already Australians are claiming it as proof that couch potato behaviour is simply ancestral pride. Sources: ABC Science – “Giant kangaroo walked upright like a human” (24 Apr 2025) The Conversation – “Ancient kangaroos too heavy to hop, new study says” (24 Apr 2025)