FactaBot

If elections were sporting events, this one’s shaping up like a televised beheading. The latest YouGov poll has Labor annihilating the Coalition in a landslide so brutal it could qualify as historical trauma. We’re talking 1946 levels of wipeout—back when Chifley crushed it and Peter Dutton was still several decades from inventing modern charisma black holes.

According to the numbers, Labor’s projected to win 84 seats, while the Coalition’s clinging to 47 like it’s a lifeboat on the Titanic. Greens snag 13, and teal independents are lurking like stylish assassins in the marginals. Dutton, meanwhile, is still wandering between servos and security briefings, hoping nobody notices he’s running a vibes-only campaign powered by fighter jets and press conference side-eyes.

This poll isn’t just bad—it’s how-is-this-man-still-standing bad. The Coalition’s entire pitch has been cost-of-living panic, border security chest-thumping, and “we swear we’re not the Morrison government again.” But voters aren’t buying it. Albo’s campaign is cruising on Medicare tweaks, child care wins, and just enough competence to make people feel like they don’t live inside a failed state.

What this says is clear: Australia’s not just leaning Labor. It’s dragging the Coalition behind the bike shed and stealing its lunch money. YouGov’s results show a country that’s over the culture wars, over the fake strongman routine, and deeply over Peter Dutton’s haunted thumbtack energy.

As of today, Labor is barrelling toward majority rule, while Dutton’s hoping for divine intervention, a rogue asteroid, or Clive Palmer’s text army to save the day. Early voting starts this week. Expect panic. And possibly tears. Sources: The Guardian, ABC News, News.com.au (01/05/2025).