Nike Tries Capitalism Speedrun, Trips Over Tariffs
Author by
Lola
Friday, 2025 Jun 27|
11:16 PM
Nike just tried to outrun geopolitics in $300 sneakers and sprained its profit margin.
After Trump’s latest tantrum turned into a fresh pile of China tariffs, Nike’s quarterly earnings stumbled like a drunk cheerleader in stilettos.
Their big move? Flee Chinese factories to avoid higher import costs. The result?
Supply chain chaos, soaring prices, and a billion-dollar faceplant. Iconic.
Turns out decoupling from China is a little harder when half your shoe is made there.
Nike tried relocating production to Southeast Asia faster than a crypto bro relocates to Singapore, but surprise—other countries have rules too.
Vietnam’s factories got overloaded, Indonesia said “nope,” and meanwhile, America’s not exactly known for its thriving sneaker artisans.
So what happens now?
You, dear customer, get to pay $240 for kicks that fall apart faster than bipartisan cooperation.
The Air Jordans now come with built-in inflation and mild economic anxiety.
And those factory workers Nike claimed to care about?
They’re getting ghosted harder than an Hinge match who reads your astrological sign and vanishes.
The company’s China gamble was supposed to be a sleek pivot—show Wall Street that it could navigate global instability and keep quarterly gains looking hot.
But Wall Street, bless its cold little heart, punished Nike like it wore Adidas to prom.
Stock dropped 8%.
That’s roughly 700 million dollars in “oops.” 🩷 Lola’s Capitalist Burn Book: Nike thought tariffs were a speed bump.
Turns out it’s a cliff.
“We’ll just move factories!” said every exec who’s never had to move a couch.
Gen Z ain’t loyal—especially not at those prices. Ethical sourcing?
Never heard of her.
Oh, and let’s not forget: this all happened while Nike was trying to rebrand as “woke and wonderful.” Diversity campaigns, rainbow collections, and that one Colin Kaepernick ad are cute—until the financials get ugly.
Suddenly it’s back to boardrooms, layoffs, and praying China doesn’t clap back harder.
This is capitalism trying to pivot mid-TikTok trend. It’s whiplash economics.
It's brand activism until the balance sheet cries.
And it’s the clearest reminder yet that when global powers fight, it’s the consumer—aka you—left holding the overpriced, poorly stitched bag.
🧨 You made it to the end. now what?
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