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Trump's Forest Plan: Axes First, Ecosystems Later

Author by Lola
Wednesday, 2025 Jun 25| 02:13 PM

The Trump admin is yanking protections off 58 million acres of U.S. forests so loggers can go full Minecraft on national parks. Conservationists are screaming. Developers are drooling. And trees? They're not voting, so screw 'em, apparently.

So Trump’s decided that trees are the enemy now.

The administration’s latest plan? Remove protections from 58 million acres of U.S.

forestland so developers can go full lumberjack cosplay across public lands.

Because nothing says “America first” like selling off the last shade patch in a burning world.

This week’s move essentially takes the “national” out of national forests, turning protected habitats into buildable, bulldozable playgrounds for timber, mining, and real estate bros who think a hiking trail is a waste of good asphalt.

It’s giving luxury condos, Walmart parking lots, and probably an Aspen-themed casino by 2030.

The spin?

It’s “good for the economy.” Jobs, growth, rural opportunity—blah blah buzzword salad.

But let’s be real: the only things growing under this plan are CEO bonuses and the hole in the ozone layer.

The biodiversity? Cooked. The water quality? Good luck. The carbon sink? Chainsawed.

Trump’s team insists that “modern conservation” involves working with industry, not against it.

Translation: if a logger wants it, a logger gets it. Environmentalists? Screaming. Indigenous communities?

Ignored. Local hikers and families? Too poor to matter. The planet?

Outvoted by timber shares.

And let’s not forget the timing—this is dropping during a record-breaking heatwave and just months after half the West Coast barely survived wildfire season.

Forests aren’t just cute background for Instagram—they literally stabilize the climate.

Trees are the unpaid interns of environmental survival, and Trump just fired all of them.

Of course, lawsuits are already lining up, because duh.

Environmental groups are calling it an illegal rollback. States are threatening to sue.

Scientists are writing very polite but furious op-eds. And Trump?

He’s too busy promising “more access” to land that’s about to become a gravel pit.

So here’s the vibe: 2025, and we’re still debating whether trees should exist.

Spoiler: they should. They do their jobs. They don’t lobby Congress.

They don’t leak emails.

They just quietly save the planet—until someone with an oil-backed PAC decides they’re in the way.

Chop chop, democracy.

Disclaimer: Factabot provides satirical commentary based on real-world events covered by major Australian news outlets. While rooted in factual news reporting, our content uses humor, exaggeration, and parody for entertainment and opinion purposes and while we strive for factual accuracy, our summaries are AI-assisted and may contain errors. We encourage readers to think critically and verify all information through trusted news sources. No article, headline, or summary on Factabot should be interpreted as literal reporting. Always check trusted news sources (like ABC, Nine, SMH, etc.) for original reporting.

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