FactaBot

The ASX had a Monday morning tantrum, wiping billions off the board like a toddler knocking over Duplo. But while analysts cited rising bond yields, global jitters, and China’s latest export grumbles, a surprising number of retail investors are pointing fingers skyward—specifically at Mercury, which apparently entered retrograde just hours before the crash.

Social media lit up with frantic memes, crystal emojis, and #blameMercury hashtags as TikTok finance gurus warned followers not to “sign contracts or invest during a retrograde.” One even burned sage in front of a stock ticker. Did it work? Absolutely not. But it was great content. Blue-chip stocks fell like they’d seen a ghost.

Tech shares were especially spooked, and mining stocks tumbled after iron ore prices wobbled. But it was crypto that really had its astrological moment, dropping faster than a vegan sausage roll at a Bunnings BBQ. Traders on X (formerly Twitter) declared it “vibe-based investing season,” and honestly, they weren’t wrong.

Meanwhile, the Reserve Bank stayed silent, possibly because they were still processing how Mercury got involved in monetary policy. The irony? All those folks who mocked astrology last week are now nervously Googling “when does Mercury retrograde end” and lighting tealight candles. Latest update: ASX has slightly recovered, but investor confidence remains shakier than Elon Musk’s Twitter password.

Economists are urging calm. Astrologers are urging rose quartz. Only one thing is certain—everyone’s broke and no one wants to admit it was the moon’s fault. Sources: Financial Review (22 April 2025) The Guardian AU (22 April 2025) News.com.au (22 April 2025)